The Uprising
by Pop Ferret
Summary: FINAL CHAPTER IS UP!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: You guys know the drill, don't own the LoD cast, or the lyrics of the song.  
  
Author's Note: This is what happens as a result of boredom, lack of sleep, and not being able to change the radio station. More humor! Mwahahahahahahahaha. Beware the Pop Ferret for she is evil incarnate. Yes, yes she is. Oh, and for the record, DOWN WITH LAVITZ!!!!!  
  
The Uprising  
  
The Ferret paces back and forth, looking from the clock, to the wall, and then back to the clock. In the background is a huge stage scene, a tropical island with blue skies, white beaches, clear water, you know the drill...but, the cast was late, and she wasn't...-crash- ah, perfect, there they are.  
  
The entire Legend of Dragoon cast tumbles out of the wall, and immediately sets to scrambling about, looking for a way out.  
  
Ferret: Well it's about bloody time. Now come on, into costumes, we have work to do.  
  
All: ~blink slowly at the beret wearing author~  
  
Dart: Work? Now wait a minute, I'm still recovering from dying.  
  
Ferret: I can change that. ~shoots him an angry glare~ I told you, we're doing a remake of that old Beach Boys song, Kokomo.  
  
Meru: I get to dance!!  
  
Albert: No, I absolutely refuse. Banish me to your little netherworld if you must, but I'm not making a fool out of myself.  
  
Meanwhile, Lloyd, Haschel, and Kongol had ambled over to examine the so called costumes, and it was Lloyd who voiced his disgust, holding up a bright red and white Hawaian shirt.  
  
Lloyd: I am -not- wearing this.  
  
Ferret: ~smiles sweetly, and yet, dangerously~ Lloydikins, you -will- wear the shirt, and you -will- sing the song, because if you don't...~lets the threat hang.~  
  
Miranda: Well, you can make him wear the shirt, but I -refuse- to wear this...this...thing! ~hurls the oh so very expensive grass skirt to the ground, causing the Ferret to spin around and glare angrily. The others scurry for hiding, except maybe Albert, because he is just that stupid.~  
  
Ferret: Pick up the skirt. Put it on, and maybe, maybe I'll let you live.  
  
Miranda: No.  
  
Ferret: ~blinking slowly, left eye twitching~ No? NO? You dare defy me?! You miserable wretched little ingrate!  
  
Lloyd: Oh -hell- she's gonna -pop-!  
  
Pop, oh yes, when the Pop Ferret goes pop, it's never a good thing for those that cause it. But, indeed, the Wingly was right, the Ferret was about to pop. The left eye began to twitch violently, and then...-boom- in a big puff of blue smoke she 'popped' just, disappeared from sight, though a liberal shower of silver and blue glitter rained down on the gathered LoD cast.  
  
Miranda: ~looks a little dazed after the explosion~ Did I kill it?  
  
Lloyd: ~peers out from behind the couch and shakes his head no, genstering franticly, but unable to speak~  
  
Miranda: I killed it! We're free! We're....uh oh.  
  
Uh oh indeed, for the Ferret had reappeared in all her glowing red-eyed glory and clamped both hands on the Silver-white dragoon's shoulders.  
  
Ferret: You will -all- now get into costume and take your places on the set or I will be forced to start maiming people hideously.  
  
All: ~swallow hard and scramble to get into costume~  
  
Sometime later, though grumbling, all are dressed and in their appropriate places. Rose, however, has neglected to join in the so called video, and instead stalks back and forth in the background, making a vain attempt not to laugh. Lloyd and Dart have been condemned to bright red, white flowered shirts and khakis, Greham, Lavitz and Albert to the same, only with green shirts. Doel...well, we won't even go there, for he stood in the background laughing quite rudely. Kongol wears a bright yellow skirt, which looks a little too small maybe, and Haschel, a very loud purple shirt and khakis. Poor Shana, Miranda, and Meru, reduced to grass skirts and coconut bras.  
  
Ferret: Stop glowering! Smile, this is supposed to be fun!  
  
Miranda: You get up here and wear these things and then tell us to smile.  
  
Ferret: I shall pretend I didn't hear that. Okay, right, this is what I want, Dart, Lloydikins, the two of you will alternate the lead vocals, the rest of you guys will be back up. Shana, Miranda, Meru, just stand back there, dance around and look pretty. Alright, set? Lights, camera, action!  
  
Cue the annoying island music that leads into the infamous Beach boy song Kokomo.  
  
All Guys: ~grumbling and mumbling the words~ Aruba, Jamaica, ooo I wanna take ya. Bermuda, bahama, c'mon pretty mama...  
  
Haschel: Ack!  
  
Miranda: ~glaring darkly and brandishing a club~ You touch me again you dirty old man and I'll do worse!  
  
Haschel: Shove off you hag, I'd rather be locked in a tomb with a two thousand year old walking corpse than touch you.  
  
Miranda: HAG?! That's it you perverted old man, now you die!  
  
Ferret: FREEZE! There will be no killing on this set unless -I- am doing it! Do I make myself clear?!  
  
All: Crystal.  
  
Ferret: Good. Action.  
  
Dart: Off the Florida keys, there's a place called Kokomo, that's where you wanna go, to get away from it all. ~sings offkey on purpose, earning a scathing glare from Ferret~  
  
Ferret: Cut!! Dart, what the hell are you doing? Are you offkey on purpose? I know you are, you evil, evil blonde. Look, is a little cooperation so much to ask for? Really I ACK!!!  
  
Oh no! It's an uprising! The poor LoD cast, being able to bear no more ridiculous and humiliating parodies have sprung up to retaliate against authors, starting with the Pop Ferret! Miranda and Shana scramble for their normal clothes, whilst Dart, Lavitz, Albert, Greham, Doel, Haschel, and Kongol, yes it does take all of them, for the Ferret is blessed with author magic, and therefore quite strong,, or imagined herself to be so, struggle to bind the firey young woman's hands so she couldn't snap her fingers and banish them all away.  
  
Ferret: Let go of me! I demand you release me at once! You can't do this! No, no uprisings in my fics! Noooo! No-umph. ~is effectively silenced by Lloyd smacking a piece of heavy duty duct tape down over her mouth.~  
  
-Will the Ferret survive this uprising? Will the cast finally have their way and somehow manage to steal all her author magic away? Will Lavitz get his revenge for her endless banishing of him? Will other authors come to the rescue of the Ferret, or has she condemned herself to endless torment at the hands of the do-gooders she took such joy in torturing? Stay tuned to find out!!- 


	2. Of Giant Crickets

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the LoD cast, duh.  
  
Author's Note: will no one come to the Ferret's rescue, no one? Oh how very disturbing indeed. The madness continues.  
  
The end of chapter one saw the capture of the Pop Ferret, a minor victory on the part of the cast, who have now secured the poor author to a chair in the studio. And Ferret, well, she looks positively livid at this, for this being captured was not on her list of things to do.  
  
Lavitz: You know what we should do with her?  
  
Dart: Set her on fire chair and all and see if she survives?  
  
Lavitz: No you pyromaniac, force her to do humiliating parodies like she's done to us.  
  
Rose: No, I almost think she would enjoy it too much.  
  
Ferret: Mm hmmph mph.  
  
Miranda: I do like the fact that she can't spout of pointless random rants at us at the moment.  
  
Meru: She's worse than me, and that's saying a lot.  
  
Lloyd: No one could possibly be worse than you.  
  
Albert: I cannot help but think that perhaps we are going about this the wrong way. Maybe if we were to sit and talk like human beings with...  
  
Doel: Shut up you idiot. Do you honestly think that -talking- to the evil red eyed creature is going to help? No, I say we cover her in whipped cream and feed her to rabid weasels.  
  
Shana: Is there such a thing as rabid weasels?  
  
Doel: And then feed that, ~jabs a finger towards Shana~ to the weasels.  
  
Shana looks utterly horrified at this and scrambles to hide behind Dart, who is, at the moment, making an attempt to light Ferret's jeans on fire.  
  
Lloyd: Dart! No lighting her aflame! he's bargaining material!  
  
Lavitz: Are you insane? Hell, the other authors would probably -help- us get rid of her. I mean, she so adores tormenting us Jades...  
  
Miranda: Oh yes, and you are -so- very much adored by aahhh! What the hell is -that-?! ~points at a wall where a gigantic cricket is crawling through a wormhole portal. For some strange reason the appearance of this huge and terrifying creature sends the Ferret into a fit of muffled laughter.  
  
Rose freezes, eyes going wide as they lock on the giant bug.  
  
Rose: Meru. Give me your hammer.  
  
Meru: Ewwwww. No, you can't use my hammer to squish that...that...thing.  
  
Rose: Kongol, axe.  
  
Kongol: Kongol no give Friend Rose axe, cricket pieces hard to clean.  
  
Rose: ~growls and looks about for something big enough to squash the bug. Finding nothing she just gives up and storms in with her rapier~ DIE DEMON SPAWN!!!  
  
Lloyd curses mentally, oh this would never do, never. This wasn't going according to plan at all. Zap, the giant cricket is hit with a spell which shrinks it down to the size of an m&m. The Wingly was just breathing a relieved sigh when Dart ambled up.  
  
Dart: Oh look. A brown m&m. ~stoops down, grabs the cricket and pops it into his mouth.~ Ewww, gross I...~suddenly starts cunvulsing, dropping to the floor where he lies there twitching madly.~  
  
Rose: Oh hell. I think he's dead...wait...where did the giant demon spawn go??  
  
-What will happen to Dart? Will Ferret be fed to the rabid weasels after being covered in whipped cream? Will Shana share her plight? Will Rose ever get to kill her giant cricket? Will the Ferret escape and subject the cast to horrible things. And just who's side is Lloyd really on? Stay tuned to find out!!- 


	3. Ferret's Revenge

Disclaimer: You know, the usual blah blah blah crap.  
  
Author's Note: Totally randomness here. But let the other author's be made to know that war has been declared between Omni Dragon and myself, we shall see now who is the better huggy, Lloyd, or -hisses- Lavitz.  
  
Chapter Two saw the appearance of the giant cricket, Rose's lapse into insanity, and possible disention in the ranks of the Dragoons. It also revealed that there might be a sort of new dark alliance between the Wingly Lloyd, and the insanely evil author whom they have taken captive. Dart inadvertantly injested the giant cricket, mistaking it for a brown m&m.  
  
Dart convulses and twitches there on the floor, turning multiple shades of green while all the Dragoons stand around staring down at him in dumbstruck wonder. Somewhere in the background Lloyd inches closer and closer to Ferret's chair, and the author has mysteriously gone quite silent. Suddenly, Dart ceases to twitch.  
  
Shana: Oh my Soa! He's dead!!!  
  
Could it be? Can the heroic Dart truly be dead? Apparently not, for suddenly his body twists and melts and blurs until a very large cricket stands in his place and chirps.  
  
Rose: DEMON SPAWN!!! ~screams and immediately sets to trying to kill the thing, while Shana screams and tries to pull the raging woman off her would be boyfriend.~  
  
Shana: Rose! Rose no! Rose it's DART! Stop! Rose please!  
  
And somewhere in the background, Doel and Miranda are forced to cling to each other to keep from toppling over in laughter. This, of course, creates the perfect distraction for dear Lloyd, who lunges for the chair and slashes through the ropes binding the author to the chair. ~FLASH~ A brilliant blinding flash of light washes across the room, and behold! The Ferret is free once more! The black jeans and black lace top have been replaced by a wickedly evil floor length dress of black leather and silk, complete with the black leather corset top. All eyes turn to the raging author, except for Rose.  
  
Rose: ~stomping on the now long dead cricket with her wicked boot heel~ Die. Die. Die.Die.Diediediediediediedie.  
  
Ferret: ~clears her throat and then snaps her fingers, and poof, the lifeless cricket is replaced with the lifeless body of Dart.~ If I might have your attention please?  
  
Rose freezes, shifting her gaze slowly to the very evil looking Ferret, who, now, at the moment, has little flickers of flame dancing about her head. All gulp, except Dart, who is, of course, very much dead.  
  
Ferret: Now then, I think it's time to go about dealing out punishment to all of you for your blatant ignoring of authority. Now, some of you wanted to set me on fire, but of course, the dreamer of that little scheme is dead. Then of course, there was Doel, who wanted to feed me to rabid weasels. Hmm, now there's a concept.  
  
Doel: ~looks a little paniced and starts running...but, too late. With a snap of the Ferret's fingers, the emperor is covered in gooey whipped cream, and a pack of raging rabid weasels are chasing him~ No! Nooooooo! Aaaaaahhhhhh! I didn't mean it!  
  
Ferret: ~fixes Shana with a nasty look~ And you can join him. ~Zap, and there goes Shana, screaming her head off, running alongside Doel, being chased by rabid weasels and leaving a trail of whipped cream.~ Now then, Miranda, what oh what can we do with you? Oh, I know. ~another evil smile and Miranda is poofed off to some hidden ball room where she will be forced to dance with carbon copies to Dart until Ferret takes pity on her and releases her.~ Hmm, now then, who's next. Oh yes. Meru, dear Meru. now, what on earth should I do with you hmm? Since you said I'm even worse than you? Oh, I know. ~Poof, and there goes Meru, off to freeze her ass off in some artic winterland. Ferret's steely gaze wanders about some more, falling on Haschel, who she poofs off and away with a wave of her hand, the same for Kongol...which leaves...the JADES.~ Oh my my my. What have we here? Just everybody's favorite little Dragoons. Hmm, yes, the Jades. You three, I think, shall be my personal servants now.~ Snap go the fingers, and instantly Albert, Lavitz, and Greham are clapped in chains, complete with iron collar and chains leading to the manacles.~  
  
Lavitz: ~fixes Lloyd with an evil look~ Traitor.  
  
Lloyd: Hardly. You should learn to recognize an elaborate plan when you see one. Very nicely done Ferret my Dear, I could hardly have thought up better myself.  
  
Ferret: Don't push it Lloydikins. You did, afterall, -help- them. Now -sit- . ~a barked order, and one the Wingly scrambles to reply, to take a seat in the massive onyx throne that springs up from the floor. Ferret promptly drapes herself across his lap and fixes the three Jades with a dark look~ Hmm, the other author's won't be pleased, but maybe I can aution you all off.  
  
Dart: ~the dead body twitches~  
  
Lloyd: One could always fetch FiFi.  
  
The Jades: NO!  
  
-Oh no! The Ferret is free now. Will she be recaptured? Will other authors spring to the aid of their beloved Dragoons? Or will the Ferret reign forever from her black throne, using the cursed Jades as her personal servants for all time. And what about the twitching Dart, is he really dead? And of Miranda, can she survive the ballroom? What will happen next? Will the giant cricket return?! Stay tuned!!!-  
  
(Oh, by the by, the Ferret is currently searching for volunteers to stage a rescue of the Jades and other Dragoons, email if interested, or state in review.) 


	4. Lloyd in Control: Or: CHAOS!

Lloyd in Control????  
  
Chapter Three saw the release of Ferret, who promptly took her revenge on the cast for daring to attempt to upsurp her power. Doel and Shana are being chased by rabid weasels and pelted with balls of whipped cream by some invisible force. Meru was banished to some frozen land to freeze to death, Miranda banished and forced to dance with clones of Dart for the rest of her life, Rose is...somewhere, lurking. Haschel and Kongol are just, well, gone. Poofed into non existence, and the Jades, poor things, are chained and shackled, forced to be the Ferret's personal servents  
  
The Jades all glower, for, well, what else can they do at the moment? Absolutely nothing. Lavitz looks like, perhaps, he's going to be sick, and with good reason, judging from the scene before the poor, tormented Jade Dragoons. Ferret is all curled up and comfy like in Lloyd's lap, sleeping no less, and the Wingly just has this horribly evil, demented look on his face.  
  
Greham: Okay...the Wingly is officially scaring me now.  
  
Lavitz: The traitor's plotting something, I just know it.  
  
Albert: I begin to fear for our lives now.  
  
Lloyd: And you should. Oh yes, yes you stupid little Jades -should- fear for your lives. Do you honestly think that I let this little psychopath go because I -enjoy- being glomped? No. I think not. You see, a very dear companion and I have discovered this lovely little bit of information. I'm sure you're all going to just love it. But, I can't say anymore, at least, not yet.  
  
Rose lurks somewhere in the background, as Doel and Shana race back and forth while being gnawed on by rabid weasels.  
  
Ferret yawns, stretching out and just sort of drapes herself across Lloyd's lap.  
  
Ferret: I feel -so- much better now...what? Are you three still dressed? Oh no, this will never do. Man servants aren't allowed that much clothing. ~The Jades all pale as the Ferret snaps her fingers, and **poof** the three Jades now wear only loincloths~ Much, much better. Lloyd Darling, why are you looking at me like that?  
  
Lloyd: ~smirks evily and suddenly stands, dislodging the author from his lap~ You'll see in just a moment, in the meantime, why don't you join your new Jade friends over there? ~Ferret started to reply and poof, she suddenly found herself in chains alongside the Jades.  
  
Jades&Ferret: Oh hell no!  
  
Lloyd: Oh yes! Mwahahahahahhahahhhahahaha! Now we'll see who fries continuously you blonde haired pansy! ~he screams, pointing at Lavitz~ Now you'll all suffer, and authors everywhere will regret ever torturing me because now -I- have the power of author magic!!!  
  
Ferret: Noooooooo! I'm dooooommmeeedddd! ~thunk, thud~ X-x ~Ferret slumps over against Albert, Lavitz glaring at her~  
  
Albert: Thank Soa...now get her off of me!  
  
Lloyd cackles evily and his nasty apprentice slips out of the shadows to take a seat on the arm of the throne.  
  
Rose: You people really are too gullible.  
  
Ferret: Gullible?! GULLIBLE! You just wait till I get out of these chains you ~thunk, silence once more as Lavitz whaps her upside the head once more~  
  
Albert: You do realize that you have signed your own death warrant don't you?  
  
Rose: Maybe...maybe not.  
  
Dart's body continues to twitch madly, though this is ignored by all. Albert has shoved Ferret over onto Greham, who seems to have no problem with this, except that Lloyd keeps -glaring- in his general dirrection. The Wingly in power is about to say something else when suddenly, one entire wall explodes inwards, and a voice squeals.  
  
???: MY JADES!!!!  
  
Jades: Sweet Soa NO! Anything but that!!!  
  
Ferret: ~jolts awake and squeals cheerfully~ FIFI! You came to save me!  
  
Fifi: ~blinks blankly at Ferret and oogles the lioncloth clad Jades~ You? You? Who said anything about you? I came to save my Jades.  
  
Lloyd: ~stares in dumbstruck wonder~ Wait a minute, I didn't pull you into this fic.  
  
Fifi: Of course not. I came to save my Jades. ~glomps Lavitz~  
  
Lavitz: ~screams like a little school girl~ Get it off me! Get it off me!  
  
Ferret: Chains chains, get them off. Fifi, free me and I shall help you vanquish the evildoers and free thy Jades!  
  
All: ~stare blankly at Ferret and wonder if maybe Lavitz hit her a little too hard or something.~  
  
Fifi: Fweeeee! Ferret has seen the light! ~claps cheerfuly, and suddenly all the chains are gone. Glomps Lavitz again, and Lavitz screams like a little school girl again. Greham and Albert eye Ferret warily, and then it's Albert's turn to scream when Ferret glomps onto him.~  
  
Rose: ~makes gagging sounds~ Lloyd, can't you just, fry them or something?  
  
Fifi&Ferret: Negative! Authors must now vanquish the evil Wingly who -dares- to try to stage a hostile takeover.  
  
Lloyd: Uh oh.  
  
Ferret: FWOOSH! Burn Wingly burn! ~cackles evily as the platinum haired Wingly suddenly bursts into flames. In that instant, Dart suddenly springs back to life and viciously tackles Rose, who topples over screaming about the giant demon spawn. And at that instant, a gigantic version of Meru's hammer drops out of nowhere and squishes both Rose and Dart into big puddles of primordial goo.~  
  
Fifi and Ferret blink at each other, then turn to eye the loincloth clad Jades.  
  
Lavitz: Oh hell.  
  
Greham: I suggest a retreat.  
  
Albert: Yes. Yes a retreat sounds like a mervelous idea. 


	5. Plotness!

Author's Note: Dundundun!! The long awaited Fifth installment of that classic LoD Humor, UPRISING!! Where the LoD cast revolt, take an author hostage, and comedy ensues.  
  
Chapter Four saw Lloyd stealing Ferret's author magic, leaving her powerless against the Wingly, and the betrayal of Rose. It also brought the entrance of Freefall Insanity to resque her Jades, and Ferret's sudden change in favored Bishis, for she glomped onto Albert. A week has passed, and we begin now with Lloyd imprisoned in the dungeon of Ferret's massive apartment complex.  
  
Lavitz: Freefall. I need my arm.  
  
Fifi: ~clinging to the arm of Lavitz~ No! My huggy!  
  
Lavitz: I haven't bathed in a -week-! Let go of my arm!  
  
Fifi: Nonononononononononono!  
  
Ferret: ~in the other room trimming a few shavings of ice from her new sculpture from the artic north, Meru, frozen in mid twirl~ Freefall, either you let that man go and bathe, or I'm going to sic the rabid weasels on you. Albert, -darling- be a dear and help me down.  
  
Albert: ~due to some wacked out author magic spell obedintly moves to help the Ferret down from her ladder, earning him a fixedly disturbed look from Lavitz~  
  
Ferret: Lavitz! Shower! NOW!  
  
Lavitz: ~yelps and dislodges Fifi from his shoulder, bolting for the bathroom. Shortly after there would be a scream of~ DEAR SOA! GIANT CRICKET! ~followed by the sickening sound of something being eaten.~  
  
Fif: ~looks completely distraught~ Lavie? LAVIE?! ~races off to the bathroom only to scream horribly at finding the mangled remains of the knight.~  
  
Ferret: ~Giggles evily and dances off to the dungeons, leaving a confused Albert blinking rapidly~  
  
Albert: What in the...  
  
Lloyd: ~paces back and forth in the tiny ass little cell, growing more and more angry by the minute, right up until the cell door suddenly flies open and lo and behold, there stands the every triumphant Ferret.~ He's dead?  
  
Ferret: He's dead. Deaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddead. Eaten by the giant cricket in the bathroom.  
  
Lloyd: And Freefall?  
  
Ferret: Sobbing over the remains of the knight.  
  
Lloyd: ~imitates Mr. Burns~ Excellent.  
  
Ferret: So we progress with Plan Beta?  
  
Lloyd: But of course my dear, but of course.  
  
~What horrible plan does Lloyd have hatching? Has everything been a clever ruse up until this point? Stay tuned to find out!~ 


	6. Finale!

Chapter Six:  
  
Our last installment saw the tragic death of Lavitz, when he was devoured by the giant cricket that inhabits the bathroom. Lloyd was released from his prison cell, and a plot twist was revealed. And now, the Finale of Uprising.  
  
Lloyd reigns over the massive apartment complext from his throne, commanding all with an iron fist...all except for Ferret who seems to be getting more and more upset with the uppity little Wingly. He might have plots of his own, but Ferret has plans, yep yepyep, plans.  
  
Lloyd: Bring me the annoying one.  
  
Ferret: She's frozen in ice.  
  
Lloyd: No, the king you twit.  
  
Ferret: I am -not- a twit. Lloyd, I'll thank you to remember who let you out of that damned cell you half brained little idiot! Ya know, you've pushed me just a little too far you have, I don't like you. So, therefore, I'm going to summon -my- Lloydikins.  
  
Lloyd: Ummm.  
  
Ferret: ~snaps her fingers, and then poof, Lloyd has a clone.~  
  
Lloyd2: Where's Zamora?  
  
Ferret: She isn't here. You're -my- huggy, not hers.  
  
Lloyd2: Um, no, -he's- your huggy, -I- am Zam's huggy.  
  
Ferret: ~twitches~ Listen here you #@$#*! You are -my- Huggy, because -I- created you, and I can make you disappear just as quickly.  
  
Lloyd2: Can, but won't, cause Zam'll kill you.  
  
Lloyd: Who the hell is this "Zam"?  
  
~Poof!! A black and silver haired young woman poofs into being, fixing her dark blue gaze firmly on the evil Lloyd~  
  
Zamora: -I- am Zam you half brained git. Lloyd! There you are, We have to go, Veilla's party is like, in ten minutes and....  
  
~poof, both Lloyds and Zam are just...gone, leaving a glowering Ferret~  
  
Ferret: OH HELL! Now I need a new Huggy!!  
  
Sorry this is so short guys, but I was running out of steam for this, look for my parody to be updated, Final Thoughts, and Breaking Twilight, most of my concentration will go to them. 


End file.
